Online Dating And Seduction Secrets

One of the fast-growing trend that Internet dating businesses are taking seriously is the 50-plus single.

Finding themselves widowed or divorced, older singles are traveling through cyberspace looking for love, companionship or just friendship. Web sites that normally target younger daters find themselves competing with a growing number of age-specific online services such as Senior Friendfinder, SilverSingles.com, ThirdAge.com, christiansingleseniors.com, SeniorsCircle.com, and 50yearsplus.com.

The number of online dating site users 55 and over rose 19.4 percent last year, according to Nielsen/Net Ratings, a service that measures and analyzes Internet audiences. Latest available figures show that in July alone, online personals attracted more than 1.3 million Web-surfing seniors ages 65-plus.

“Sixty is the new 30,” says Jim Houran, chief psychologist for the True.com dating Web site. “People are living longer and healthier and have disposable incomes. Online dating allows them to get to know a great deal of people they probably wouldn’t have interacted with before, and in less time. They can cull a much wider dating pool when their opportunities for accidental meetings, meeting people at work or through family and friends are limited.”

“There’s increasing acceptance among seniors in online dating and increasing comfort with the computer for those seeking friendship and dating,” says Tim Chanaud, spokesman for the Palo Alto, Calif.-based SeniorFriendFinder.com. Launched in 1999, it has become the largest seniors dating site on the Web.

When Judsen Culbreth, a West Orange resident, divorced at age 49 after 20 years of marriage, she thought online dating would never be an option.

Then came Match.com.

Now she’s the author of “The Boomers’ Guide to Online Dating” (Rodale, $12.95, paperback).

The 55-year-old Culbreth got the idea for the book after marrying 57-year-old Walter Kirkland, whom she met online. They dated for two-and-a-half years and have been married for three. By telling the couple’s story in her book, Culbreth wanted to encourage other “mature” daters who might be skeptical.

“I found him. The man I prayed for,” she writes in the introduction. “We’re extraordinarily compatible,” she adds, “and we have online dating to thank for this fortuitous match.”

Culbreth says their second date sealed their fate when they realized the many things they shared in common.

One of their dates included a “finger-sucking dinner of blue crabs in Chinatown, followed by a concert of Civil War ballads at an Irish bar in Greewich Village.” Throw in their shared Southern backgrounds and it was the perfect match she thought she’d never find.

“I had thought it (online dating) was more of a fringe activity,” Culbreth says, noting she turned to cyberspace only after finding little success looking for dates on her own or through friends. She thought it might be okay after overhearing a “bunch of high-powered women” her age chatting about it positively.

Though there were few sites at the time for mature daters only, Culbreth found there were a lot of people on general dating sites who were looking for someone a little older.

“Not all men go for nose rings and tattoos,” Culbreth says. Baby Boomers in particular are a good match for online dating because they like to stick to their own kind, she says. “We love people who get our cultural references.” If you don’t know who the Beatles are, don’t apply. “We’re very insular.”

“I met a lot of nice women (online) and eventually met Judsen,” says Walter Kirkland, who is twice divorced. “We found we had a tremendous amount in common, and would never have met in a million years if not for this service.”

“The online world allows seniors to meet people around the world,” Chanaud says. “The Internet and sites like Senior FriendFinder have opened up a whole new world for seniors who less than a generation ago would have been lonely and would have had few opportunities to connect with people. We’ve had a lot of marriages from Senior FriendFinder from people looking for friendship and surprised at finding love.”

Andrew Conru, president and CEO of Various Inc., the parent company of SeniorFriendfinder, started the site after noticing so many older people joining the company’s flagship Friendfinder site, which is targeted for younger daters.

“We clearly see growth on Senior Friendfinder,” says Chanaud, who notes the site has more than 400,000 active members, with 30,000 signing up each month as new members.

Gail Laguna, vice president of corporate communications for the Spark Network, which owns and operates about 30 dating Web sites, says online dating seems to appeal equally to older men and women.

Laguna says Spark’s SilverSingles.com — started in March 2004 — has about 600,000 members worldwide over age 50, with 100,000 over the age of 65. She says there’s been a 39 percent increase in membership of people over age 65 since the site began.

Most online dating services allow users to create a personal profile, post photos and search for compatible members for free. Costs usually range from $20 to $50 per month to become a member and have the ability to actually contact the person.

“Consider the cost of a first date,” Houran says. “Dinner and a movie could be $75 to $100. This is more efficient and cheaper for what you’re getting.”

Houran also says the trend is fueled by the fact that more seniors are willing to get divorced after decades of marriage than in years past, and by medical advances that allow people to live longer and healthier lives. Yes, including Viagra.

He says seniors are “savvy” daters who know to look beyond a photograph or a person’s physical appearance.

“Seniors see the value of compatibility testing, and they know what it takes to keep people bonded over time,” Houran adds. “They have the life experience to know the physical passion ebbs and flows.”

(info from http://www.nj.com/living/ledger/index.ssf?/base/living-0/112866461896640.xml&coll=1)

Photo, personal description and hobbies play a vital role in online dating, Nielsen//NetRatings found from a survey of UK Internet users who have used online dating. Age and place of residence were also important considerations.

Reasons for contacting a person with online dating profile

% citing the factor Reason to contact
74 Liked the photo
70 Liked the description
60 Liked hobbies and interests
54 Liked age
46 Liked where they lived
24 Education level
15 Profession
14 Job
05 Income
04 Zodiac sign

(info from Nielsen//NetRatings http://www.netratings.com/pr/pr_050802_uk.pdf)

Have you been out at a club lately? Did you notice the faces of most of the men?

They look angry or tough, or overly macho. They try to look like this thinking that that’s attractive to a woman. Little do they know that most women smell this fakeness from miles and find few things less attractive then that.

So, next time you go out — whether it’s a loud club or quiet lounge with unique ambiance — you are going to exude a different vibe, different from almost all other guys. A vibe which will be obvious and very noticeable to women around. A vibe which will lead them to perceive you differently from all other guys, even before you approach.

I am talking about the HAPPY VIBE.

You are going to smile with the genuine smile of excitement about being out, alone or with your friends. You will not be standing frozen in one place, but will move around, gesticulate, and be in the center of attention of your friends. Be alive, show energy and interest in what’s going on around.

If you make eye contact with a woman, nod immediately with a light smile and say “Hi” with your voice or lips depending on how far she is standing from you. Don’t approach her right away. Allow her to turn around and take a breath and … go for it after just a minute or so.

Come over and say: “Excuse me” and wait until she turns around. Then say “Hi” and nothing else. WAIT until she says “Hi” back. This shows your power beyond anything else.

Then proceed: “I noticed you from the other side of the room and thought you were very ‘cute/friendly-looking’ and wanted to meet you.”

Watch the results!

You probably want to tell me now that women hardly ever make eye contact with you in public places. Trust me, if you exude the attitude of a positive, fun person with your facial expression and body language, the likelihood of a woman making eye contact with you will be very high.

So prepare yourself.

(info by Arkady Itkin)

Did you catch the dating mistakes made during episode one of ABC’s Hooking Up documentary series? If you caught the episode on July 14th, I’m sure you would have noticed what doesn’t work when it comes to dating…

Mistake #1: Using an old photo

A self-proclaimed “Fabio” look-a-like used a 15-year old picture of himself to entice women to meet him. I guess he figured once they met the “older” version of himself they’d be charmed enough to stay. Not!

Mistake #2: Telling a lie… or two

These come in at least three categories - age, name, and profession. I’m sure there are more but only three occurred in the first episode (that I saw). The musician (from mistake #1) said he was in his 30’s but he was actually in his 40’s. Can’t you just hear the umpire? Steeee-rike 2!

Or the classic line from one of the female daters on the show: “My name isn’t Jennifer, it’s Lisa.” Which was followed by her revealing that she was a doctor - just like her now confounded date.

Mistake #3: Asking yourself the wrong questions

Cynthia, one of the daters, was a bit down after a string of rather unpleasant dates. She asked herself out loud “Why am I single?” It had a feeling of “what’s wrong with me?” to it.

A better question would have been - “How do I need to be to find the man who fits into my ideal relationship?” Or, “What’s the next best step for me in finding my ideal mate?” Questions that focus on the positive of what you can do or be.

Mistake #4: Breaking up by email

This is probably more of an etiquette “violation” than a mistake, breaking up with a date by email. While the fellow said it was a cop-out, it was still tactless.

It’s rather entertaining watching the online dating experiences of others. Learn from their mistakes and save yourself a whole lot of time and trouble.

(info by Sue Bond from http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/07/27/064356.php)

Whether it’s speed dating, Internet dating or bar dating, safety must be the number one priority for women of all ages. With the increasing popularity of online dating, it is imperative to keep safety at the forefront of meetings and dates with unknown suitors.

Internationally recognized marriage and family therapist and radio talk show host Dr. Robyn has announced dating safety tips for women.

“With the reach of the Internet and the growing availability of online dating sites, the world is literally at your fingertips,” said Dr. Robyn. “Who knows who you’re really meeting in an online chat room? Safety and protecting your personal information must always be in the forefront of your mind.”

Dr. Robyn encourages women to use the following safety tips for first meetings and conversations:

1) Spend time on the phone prior to meeting. But, do not give out your home or cell phone number.

This way you get to feel more comfortable with whom you’re talking to and create more of a “relationship.” You may also find out more about the person from speaking with him. But, don’t give out your phone number to set up the call. Armed with just a phone number, anyone can find out your home address and other personal information. This can lead to identity theft, stalking, or other unknown dangers. Use an anonymous phone service, like MyPrivateLine.com, which offers a disposable number that lets you talk to strangers without revealing your phone number. Once you feel comfortable, you can exchange personal information.

2) Meet in a public place.

When first meeting it’s best to do so in a public place surrounded by other individuals. This way you don’t have to worry about an uneasy or potentially dangerous situation.

3) Never get talked into anything you do not want to do or feel you’re obligated to do anything.

If you feel like you’re being coaxed or forced into an uncomfortable meeting or situation, it’s best to avoid it. Just say no. Always listen to your gut!

4) Do not get in his/her car.

Getting into a car with a perfect stranger is not advised. Keep to your plan and stay in a public place for a first meeting. Don’t let your emotions or the fantasy of it let you get caught up in a dangerous situation.

5) Watch for red flags such as catching your stranger in a lie.

“Little white lies” often reveal much larger ones. If he will not allow you to call him or won’t send any pictures, this may be a sign of a potential fraud! Ask him straight out if he is married and about his children and living situation. If he starts off a friendship with lies, odds are it will continue that way.

6) Ask for several recent pictures before you meet.

This way you know whom you’re actually meeting. You don’t want to find out the picture you saw online was from five years ago. Providing recent pictures also shows more honesty.

7) Let someone know where and when you are meeting and anything you do know about him.

This way if there is a problem, people know where you are, whom you’re with, and when you’re expected home. It will also be easier to create an exit strategy, if need be.

About Dr. Robyn

Dr. Robyn DeVal, Executive Producer and Host of The Dr. Robyn Show, a web-based broadcast at http://www.thedrrobynshow.com, dedicates her life to helping people explore what is right for them. She is an internationally recognized marriage and family therapist and relationship expert and has appeared on Dr. Phil, CBS’s 48 Hours and Fox News nationwide, among many other nationally syndicated shows.